How To Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Mistakes: 8 Powerful Tips

As a mom, there are seven words I never want to hear at the start of a sentence:

“Does anyone know whose child this is?” 

Unfortunately, these words reached my ears before. When I heard them, I turned in the direction of the adult voice asking the question, hoping to see a kind woman sitting with someone else’s child, comforting someone else’s child, and with a helpful hand upon the shoulder of someone else’s child. Except, it was not someone else’s child…it was my child. 

How did this happen? I didn’t even hear her crying. I’d know her voice and cry anywhere. In a crowd full of noisy children, if she yelled “Mommy!” I’d know it was her with my eyes closed and earplugs in, right? Not that day. Let me set the scene for you.

It was summertime, several years ago. My family and I were at a park, meeting a few friends and their kids for a playdate. Some of us hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years, so it was a time we were all looking forward to. Everyone was excited.

As soon as we arrived at the park, my kids hopped out of the car, raced to the playground, and began climbing, sliding, and having a blast. I was standing in the playground area where I could see them, and where I could watch for our other friends as they arrived. A few minutes passed. It was the moment I turned my back to hug the last set of friends who arrived. We began to chat, and it was then that I heard the words… 

“Does anyone know whose child this is?”   

I turned. She was crying. No, not crying. Bawling her eyes out. My daughter. MY DAUGHTER. I was just watching her, and she was fine. How did this happen? The kind woman helping her probably thought I was a neglectful parent.

My daughter, five years old at the time, sat on the ground holding her chin, which was bleeding profusely. She was crying so hard that she was gasping for breath and couldn’t make out any words. Ok, no big deal, I thought. I’m trained in first aid, so no need to panic. I know what to do. But the gash in her chin was too deep and it wouldn’t stop bleeding, so, leaving my husband, son, and our friends at the park, our joyful, fun-filled gathering turned into a trip to the local urgent care center. 

En route to the center, my daughter finally stopped crying and calmed down enough to talk. I asked her what happened. She was climbing one of the miniature “rock climbing” walls that decorate the sides of most playground equipment these days. She got to the very top and was so proud of herself... until she realized she couldn’t get back down. She yelled for one of her bigger and older friends to help, but no one heard her.

Then she spoke another set of words that I, as a mom, never wanted to hear—

“I was crying and kept calling for you mommy, but you didn’t come.”

Until then, I was calm and level-headed, but at that moment all I could do was cry my eyes out and tell her how sorry I was. I was glad that one of my friends had actually come along for the ride to help and to offer mother-to-mother moral support. I sure needed it right then because those words stung. I never wanted my daughter to believe that I wouldn’t come for her, or that I wouldn’t be there for her when she needed me the most.  

Enter guilt, center stage. 

Guilt is heavy. I mean, really, really heavy. It wears you down, tires you out, and makes you feel like the worst (mom, co-worker, leader, friend) ever. And you should feel like this, right?

Right—only if it is true and well-deserved guilt. You know, like the kind of guilt you have when you’ve actually, purposely done something of which you should be guilty. You lied. You cheated. You stole. You flew off the handle just because you were having a bad day, and took out all of your frustration on the poor, innocent soul who was listening, unfairly tearing him down. You ruined a relationship. Your actions broke trust…that kind of guilt. With this guilt, you more than likely sinned in some way and therefore you need to repent. These are the things that need to be confessed before the Lord.

In other words, this guilt is useful if it leads you to repentance.

Self-Imposed Guilt

But what about the self-imposed guilt that comes when you make an honest mistake, a miscalculation, or when something just doesn’t go the way you planned and somehow it’s “all your fault”?

That seems to be the time when you blame yourself for your shortcomings and put yourself down the most. You treat yourself poorly, condemn yourself, and dig up thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. Don’t get me wrong— I am all about personal responsibility, but sometimes I can take the self-blame game too far. I heap heavy piles of guilt on my shoulders and expect to walk around for the rest of the day (or week) handling my business like nothing is weighing me down. I put on my smile, talk sweetly to my husband and kids, and answer all of my texts with a bunch of exclamation points and emojis. Can you relate?

 Who am I fooling? Who are you fooling?

 No one, you think. I’m not fooling anyone. Everyone can see I’m guilty. All the fingers are pointing at me.   

 Nope. Only your own finger is pointing at you. 

The Guilt Experience

I like the way Wikipedia defines guilt as an experience: “a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a universal moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation.” 

Did you get that part? Accurately or not. News flash-- what you think is not always accurate. What you believe about yourself is definitely not always accurate. 

In order to shed this self-imposed guilt, you don’t need to look at the situation from a different perspective—you need to look at yourself from a different perspective.

8 Practical Tips To Help You Eliminate Guilt

#1: Pray.

As a daughter of the King, you have the invitation and access to approach His throne and lay out your wants, desires, and struggles before Him. When you’re going through a tough time— physically, emotionally, or mentally— and you’ve skipped right over praying about it, all you’ve done is hopped in the car and started circling the block over and over…and over. You don’t have the power to change your perspective on your own. You need the help of the God who created you to show you who you are, the true intentions of your heart, and the way He sees you. I’d encourage you to ask Him specifically to show you these things. What He reveals to you may drastically change whether or not you believe the guilt you’re feeling is warranted. 

#2: Stop.

Just stop. Stop the self-pity. Stop the anger. Stop replaying the situation in your head like it’s your favorite scene from a movie. Stop wishing you could go back in time and change what you did. Physically stop for a second, sit down, and relax. Stop immediately blaming yourself and putting yourself down. If you messed up, own it, seek forgiveness, then move on. It’s counterproductive to continue beating yourself down. This is false guilt. If you struggle with this, go back to Tip #1: Pray. Wash, rinse, repeat. I’ll say it again. Pray. Ask the Lord how He sees you so He can help you change your perspective. Psalm 139:17-18 says, 

“How precious also are Your thoughts for me, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the sand.” 

The Lord thinks good thoughts about those who are His. He sees you as flawless and righteous due to the blood of Jesus. Yes, even when you mess up. Even when you forget to pray. Even when you aren’t watching your children closely enough. Would the negative thoughts in your own head outweigh the good thoughts the Lord has of you? So many of us act like they do, otherwise, we wouldn’t beat ourselves up so much. This is nothing but pride. Practice seeing yourself as the Lord sees you.

#3: Start.

When you begin to see yourself as the Lord does, He’ll show you the areas within you that He wants to work on and grow. Talk to a confidant— someone who will listen to you, pray with you, and be honest with you. Maybe you did something wrong. Perhaps, you do in fact need to apologize to someone or explain the situation from your point of view to help that person understand why you did what you did. Go and do that. Again, if you are guilty of a sin, confess it to the Lord and repent. Truly repent, which means to turn away from it. Lean on the Holy Spirit and rely on Him to direct your steps. 

#4: Read Romans chapter 8.

Just read it. I’m not going to tell you what it says. Grab your Bible, go read it, and be encouraged. In Him, there is no condemnation and no separation. No matter what.

#5: Reverse.

Do you know the “Reverse” card in the game UNO? When you lay it down, it reverses the order of play among the players. Once in a while, we need to lay down a “reverse.” If you worked late and missed spending time with your kids, take a day off or plan a special family time for the weekend. If you were late to a meeting, next time, make a point to be super early. It may be the simplest gesture or act, but sometimes that’s all we need to feel we’ve mentally “gotten back” at the self-imposed guilt we’re feeling.

But, let me be clear: doing something “opposite” of what you’re feeling guilty about doesn’t somehow make you worthy before the Lord. 

He is not sitting around waiting for you to redeem yourself and atone for your own sins. You’re already forgiven by Him, through Christ. What I mean by playing a “reverse” is that sometimes it just mentally helps you forget about the mistake you made when you do the opposite, because it reminds you that you are not your mistake. 

Three hours and three stitches later, my daughter was as good as new. She was happy, completely trusting in me as her mama (even though the negative voice in my head was telling me I’d “failed her”), and asked if she could play on the playground when we got back to the park. And yes, she did play-- with no fear, no regrets, and no holding back. 

Instead of letting her play, I could have told her we were done for the day in an effort to try to protect her from being hurt again, but that would have been about my guilt and insecurities, not hers. So, she played, and I watched her (albeit, like a hawk), and her enjoyment and satisfaction of a “park well played” allowed me to leave with a little less guilt on my shoulders at the end of the day. This was my “reverse”.

#6: Believe that there are no coincidences.

Everything you do, every mistake you make, and every amazing thing you do can be used by the Lord in His perfect plan for your life. 

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) 

We truly were created on purpose (no mistakes), for a purpose (even if you don’t know it yet, it’s there), and with a specific purpose (your life has meaning). So “that thing” you feel guilty about—well, it happened for a reason. Sure, maybe it wasn’t something the Lord would have wanted you to do. Maybe you were disobedient. Or maybe it really was just an honest, sincere mistake. Either way, did you learn from it, become humbled by it, and grow through it? Will you remember that lesson when you need to in the future? 

Sometimes it’s not about the rock climbing wall or the mother’s back that was turned. It may not even be about YOU. Ever think of that? Just because you were the self-proclaimed star of the show doesn’t mean it was your name that was in lights. Just know that you don’t have to be defined by a single event in your life if you don’t want to be. The Lord can redeem anything if you give it to Him and allow Him to.

#7: Pray again. 

Broken records, reruns, instant replays...your mind works like this. You’ve got to hand this over to the Lord. Continue earnestly in prayer over the thoughts you’re struggling with. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) and allow Him to handle it. The Lord knows your thoughts and your heart, but He still wants you to speak to Him about it all.

#8: Know where you stand.

Remember there is a difference between your self-imposed, made-up guilt, and actually being guilty. Romans 3:23 says, 

“...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”.

We all sin. We fall short. We all are literally guilty. But you, daughter of the King, have Jesus who stepped in and took the blame for your sins. He bore your guilt and shame. In Him, you are seen as righteous before the Father.

It’s important to remember, in humility, what Christ’s death has done for you so you never forget why you need a Savior. However, be sure you don’t let the devil convict you of and condemn you for your sins. He loves to make sure you never forget them. Heaping all of that self-imposed guilt onto your head puts you in a mental state that leaves the door open for his schemes. But, Jesus loves to remind you that you are forgiven, and through His death on the cross, the Lord has already forgotten all the wrongs you, for whatever reason, try so hard to remember. 

Be A Woman After God’s Own Heart

We can end by joining David in his praise to the Lord for His mercies. This same David, who, despite the many mistakes he made throughout his life of which he was guilty, truly guilty— the Lord still called a man after God’s own heart.

Bless the Lord, my soul,

And all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Bless the Lord, my soul,

And do not forget any of His benefits;

Who pardons all your guilt,

Who heals all your diseases;

Who redeems your life from the pit,

Who crowns you with favor and compassion;

Who satisfies your years with good things,

So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord performs righteous deeds

And judgments for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses,

His deeds to the sons of Israel.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

Slow to anger and abounding in mercy.

He will not always contend with us,

Nor will He keep His anger forever. 

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,

Nor rewarded us according to our guilty deeds.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him.

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our wrongdoings from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children,

So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our form;

He is mindful that we are nothing but dust. (Psalm 103:1-14)

Are you a woman after God’s own heart? I know you purpose to be. Seek Him in the midst of your guilt and allow Him to work in you.

8 Things You Should Tell the Single Christian Women in Your Life

I am not single. Let’s just get that out there right at the beginning. I’ve been married to my husband since 2008, and even prior to that, we dated for over 7 years before getting married. Needless to say, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve thought of myself as “single”. So, why am I writing an article from the perspective of singleness? In fact, my single friends may be wondering, “What does she even know, or remember?”

The Lord prompted my heart to share some thoughts, answering these questions: if I could go back and talk to my single self in the past, how would I encourage myself? What do I wish I’d known back then that would have a powerful impact during my single life?

I don’t want to pretend that I know what it’s like to be single or dating in our current times, but I do know this--

God’s Word is timeless and unchanging, and what He’d encourage us to do through His Word is the same now as it was back then.

Hey there, single Christian woman.

Raise your hand if you see posts, photos, and selfies everyday of your friends and family members’ birth announcements, weddings, boyfriends, ________ (fill in the blank). These images are never-ending and easily become ingrained in your head, so much so that you can begin to covet the lives of those you love because you long to have certain elements of their life.

You love them and you’re excited for them, but when will it happen for you? When will that special someone you’ve been waiting for show up at your doorstep? When will you be swept off of your feet as he gets down on one knee and delivers the perfect proposal?

Well, single Christian friend— here are a few things you should know.

#1: You can find contentment in singleness.

The more you see the so-called perfect lives of others, the less you become content with your own. But, this is not what God has called you to. Paul states that he learned to be content in whatever state he was in (Philippians 4:11). This is hard to do on your own.

But if you keep reading, just two verses down in Philippians 4:13, Paul explains how he can be content no matter the situation.

““I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ”

— Philippians 4:13

It’s Christ’s strength that makes your contentment possible because He is your Contentment.

You should look to Him and no other person or life situation. When you’ve seen one too many “happy couple” IG posts, remember that it’s to Him you should be looking instead. Once your focus is in the right place, you can find joy in your single life.

#2: Focus on God’s grace.

As a single Christian woman, use this time in your life as a single to run hard after the Lord. Submit to Him and thank Him for whatever life stage you’re in. 1 Peter 1:13-15 says,

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior.”

This verse tells you to make ready your mind; reject the hindrances of the world and focus instead on God’s grace. Be sober (minded)—this means not intoxicated or under the influence of the various pleasures or eye candy of the world (i.e., that social media stuff we just talked about!).

Then, you will have a mental clarity and moral decisiveness based on the Word, not your circumstances.

#3: Use this time to pursue the Lord in prayer.

We see so many times in scripture where Jesus spent time alone in prayer. (Jesus was single too, by the way.)

Colossians 4:2 says, “Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it, with thanksgiving.”  Continue earnestly-- in Greek this means to be courageously persistent, to hold fast, and not let go. Are your prayers earnest and persistent, believing God for what you know He can do?  Vigilant means to stay alert for specific needs and not be unfocused. 

You are to bring EVERYTHING before Him in prayer. Filter every decision through the Holy Spirit. You shouldn’t be living a life of #NoFilter. Fully walk in His ways and according to His promptings. If you struggle to hear Him, then start by praying for a better listening ear to hear the Spirit in your day-to-day walk.

Come to Him in prayer with a humble heart, confessing your sins. Don’t hide. Ask that He would give you a heart that does not self-seek, but exists to glorify Him alone.

Prayer will draw you closer to Him. Sometimes women don’t like to be single because it’s lonely or they simply feel like they are alone.

Use this time in your life to get to know the God who created the Universe. You have no one greater to be all wrapped up in. As you spend time with Him and become more aware of His presence, you’ll truly know that you are never alone.

#4: Spend time worshipping Him.

The more you worship the Lord, the more you see He is great, faithful, loving, and all-powerful. Dwell in the book of Psalms and bask in the goodness of the Lord.

Who gave you your beauty? The Lord. Why do we as women yearn so much for others in this world to notice our beauty? We take pictures, post selfies, and wait for the likes to roll in. Women have the tendency to look for acceptance in all the wrong places.

But Psalm 45:11 says, “So the King will greatly desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, worship Him.” This doesn’t just mean your physical beauty, but He sees and knows your most inward parts/your heart, and still calls you beautiful.

Dwelling on His faithfulness helps put your heart in the right place to want to be faithful to His Word. 

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#5: Don’t be afraid to ask.

Jesus invites you to ask of Him the things we want. You can bring any need or want to Him-- not just the big life decisions, which is what we have a tendency to do. Check out Matthew 7:7-11:

““Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!””

— Matthew 7:7-11

Have you ever asked Jesus what you should have for lunch? I’m not trying to be funny. Really, have you? Or do you, like many of us, go about your day making the bulk of your own decisions because you think there’s no way He could possibly be interested in hearing about the “little things” you have to decide all day?

Maybe you think, He doesn’t have time for that.

I think we Christian women should practice remembering that our God is bigger than that. He may not answer your requests in the way that you think or want, but He wants you to come to Him with everything. This is total reliance on Him.

#6: Seek the Lord.

But, ultimately and firstly, He wants you to seek HIM. And, when you do seek Him (genuinely and wholeheartedly), He promises you that you will find Him (Deuteronomy 4:29). 

The Lord wants to be found. He isn’t hiding. He wants you to seek Him passionately, with your heart, and with all you have— with your soul. When you do this, you will find Him.

Maybe you have a love interest here on this earth, and you know his favorite color, what kind of car he drives, his favorite coffee shop, things that excite him in life—but do you know those things about God? Not literally those things, of course, but do you truly and deeply know who God is, at His core?

Or, have you been so focused on others, even just focused on what God can/could/should do for you, that you’re missing the most important facet of your relationship with Him?

Seek to know who He is deeper than just a surface level. You’re fully known to Him, and He wants you to know Him too.

#7: Be prepared to wait on the Lord. 

That “ W” word. Yup, life is like that. Sometimes we have to wait.

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4).

If you’ve prayed and you have a desire to be married someday, there’s a good chance it was the Lord who put that desire in your heart. Now, you just have to wait for His timing.

And, while waiting, delight yourself in Him, as the verse says. Waiting can be hard. However, instead of focusing on whatever you’re waiting for, it’s crucial that during this time you’re focused on Him, His goodness, faithfulness, and the fact that He holds true to His promises. His word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11). 

#8: God is working behind the scenes in your life, sister.

Remember sister, you were created on purpose. You are not defined as being a “single Christian woman.” He has a purpose and a plan for your life. He’s working behind the scenes in ways you cannot see, and He’s working right in front of your eyes.

Don’t miss it. Don’t miss the forest for the trees. Don’t be so focused on what you don’t have or what you’re waiting for that you miss all the goodness of who the Lover of your soul truly is.

He is the One who loved you first. Before time began. Before your parents. Before the man He’ll bless you with someday. Bask in His radiance and His glory. Be so caught up in thinking about Him that no other “hims” fill your mind. 

Oh, and by the way, let me know how it feels to be a bride.

No, not in the future. Now. In Him, you’re already His bride. You are His. Don’t forget that.