5 Powerful Ways to Calm Anxiety

I see you. 

You’re tired— physically, mentally, and emotionally. You’re struggling. You’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re going through some hard things— things related to motherhood, things with your spouse, things with your finances…and other things. You’re going through all the things. 

I see you. 

Your spiritual disciplines are waning. Sometimes you don’t feel like picking up your Bible. Climbing out of bed and getting the family ready for church feels like a full-time job. You lack the motivation to serve. Prayer time feels weak, empty, and your words seem repetitive.

I see you. 

God’s Word sounds good, but you aren’t really feeling it in the depths of your soul like you normally do. You want to believe and reckon every word of the text for yourself, but unbelief shouts louder. You’re easily distracted while you read, and your quiet time just feels dry.

I see you.

You want to hear the Lord speaking to you, but the voice of the enemy drowns it out. You’ve let the spirit of fear control your thoughts and direct your steps. You believe God is good, great, and mighty, but you’re having trouble staying under the shadow of His wings.

I see you.

And, so does the Lord. El Roi (Genesis 16:13). He sees you, He hears you, and He loves you right where you are. 

When the day feels daunting

When fear, worry, anxiety, and a lack of motivation strip you of your energy and cast you down into a pit, you don’t dig yourself out. The only way out is through– and by through, I mean you let the Lord lift you out.

His process of lifting you out means you have to walk through the trials— big and small; through the places of overwhelm; and it has to be by, through, and with the Lord’s help. He is the one who pulls you out of the pit, sets your feel on solid rock, and puts a new song in your mouth (Psalm 40:1-3).

I’m right here with you. These last several weeks I’ve battled each of these thoughts, feelings, and mindsets. I’ve let myself stay in the pit at times, and I’ve let the Lord lift me up at times. But what I have learned (and am continuing to learn!), is that the Lord meets you where you are, and if you allow Him, He will grab you by the hand and pull you along to where He wants you to be. 

The God Who Sees

The Lord not only sees You, but He also goes far beyond that and actually fights for you (Deuteronomy 1:30), heals you (Psalm 30:2), and comforts you (Psalm 94:19).

The Lord is here to calm your anxiety, squelch your overwhelm, and light your lack of motivation on fire. And, He doesn’t do those things in the ways the world may tell us– keep yourself busy, focus on yourself, or anchor down on your to-do list.

No, He puts a new song in our mouths– one of praise to Him.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord (Psalm 40:3 NASB).

Worshipping God when these feelings ensnare us is absolutely necessary– and, absolutely difficult. Yes, difficult. But, what I’ve found recently is that as I praise God when I am feeling my lowest— sitting on the floor with a blanket draped around me in an effort to find some sort of comfort— that is when my heart is changed.

Through the praise, He draws me closer to Him, calms my heart, mind, and soul, and shows me just how ever-present He truly is.

Praising God when you don’t feel like it

How do we allow God to work in us when we’re stuck in the pit? It’s easy to praise Him when we’re feeling good, and there’s a lot of sunshine in our lives. But what about when things are hard? 

There is a progression I went through that brought me to the place where I can praise Him even from the pit. How? Well, as soon as the heart of praise comes full force, I realize He’s already brought me out of the pit and set my feet upon the rock. 

And, when your feet are steady and firm on His rock, it’s much harder to fall back into the pit of despair.

How to calm anxiety, overwhelm, and lack of motivation

How do you calm anxiety? The Lord led me through this progression as I began to deal with anxiety due to a life circumstance several weeks ago. Although I’m certainly not “over the mountain” yet and able to perfectly deal with it, I do believe the game plan that He’s given me has proven to be helpful (of course it is— it’s from the Lord!), and perhaps it will be helpful to you too!

#1: Seek the lord

Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face continually. (Psalm 105:4 NASB)

First, I had to start with the basics…and by the basics, I mean the most important thing: Him. He is who we are looking for and the only One who can fill the empty hole within us. Once we know Him more deeply, we get to a place where we realize that He is enough. If all else fails and all else is stripped away, He is enough.

Seeking Him means spending time communicating with Him, praying, and listening to Him. Study His Word and get to know Him better through His love and counsel. 

#2: Prayer time

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6 NASB)

Through our prayer– our conversation with the Lord– we are able to grow closer to Him and get to know Him better. Why? Because there is so much that He reveals to us if we only ask. He calls us to seek Him, and when we seek something or someone, the goal is to find them, right? 

As I’ve battled these feelings of anxiety and overwhelm, I began a prayer journal. Writing prayers, praise, and anything that is on my heart at the moment has been very comforting to me. To be able to get the thoughts out of my head before the Lord is freeing. 

But, no matter how or where we pray, just know that prayer is crucial in overcoming anxiety. When we let the Lord know what’s on our hearts, He opens our eyes to other Scripture, resources, and people in our lives who can help us in our season. If we’re not ready to speak about it with the Lord, then we’re not truly ready to confront it.

#3: Spend time in the Word 

When we are feeling overwhelmed and fighting anxiety, that’s not a time to slack in our Bible study. I know— it’s hard to get out of bed. I know— it’s hard to open the Bible and read the words through the tears in our eyes. I know. But this is the time! 

For me, I’ve taken a break from the book of the Bible I’ve been studying in order to spend time in the Word with the purpose of finding passages and verses that keep my mind focused on Him, His power, and His ability to overcome overwhelm, anxiety, fear, and a lack of motivation.

“Follow God’s lead. There is no one who knows the Word better than He does!”

— A Woman Created On Purpose

Take notes. Write Scripture. Write out your prayers. Whatever method you use and however the Lord leads you at that moment will be the most helpful to you. Follow His lead. There is no one who knows the Word better than He does! Allow Him to lead you to the passages that will minister to your soul at the moment.

#4: Find your encouragement circle

As a typically introverted person, I tend to get quiet, keep things bottled up, and go off by myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed. My natural tendency is to just deal with hurt and negative feelings on my own. But, the Lord has repeatedly shown me that this is not the time to go and live on an island. I need people. You need people.

I pray that you have a few godly women in your life that you can go to as you walk through your trials. Even if they’ve never been through exactly what you’re going through, they can help you keep the right perspective, pray over you, send you encouraging scriptures, or just check in on you and see how you’re doing.

I’ve been blessed to have a circle of friends who’ve done this for me, and it makes a world of difference. The Lord puts people in your life equipped with different spiritual gifts– gifts that can be used to minister to you. 

Don’t keep quiet. Lean on the Lord and don’t take for granted the people He has placed around you.

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#5: Praise Him regularly 

I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. (Psalm 18:3 NASB)

The Lord is worthy to be praised. Sometimes when we’re down in the pit it doesn’t feel that way. But, it’s true. Going through the progression of my tips #1 to 4 has led me to the place where praise can be honest and regular because I believe that despite all things, He is worthy to be praised.

Do you believe He’s worthy to be praised?

Keeping your sights focused on things above (Colossians 3:1-2), and not the circumstances of your life, reminds you that He is truly worthy. 

Biblical Affirmations to start each day of the week

These truths are based on encouraging scriptures in the Bible. Remembering the truth of God’s Word not only keeps you focused on what truly matters, but helps you remember and believe that He is enough. 

Read these truths when you’re struggling and wondering how to calm anxiety. Meditate on these biblical affirmations when you feel a lack of motivation. And, when the day feels daunting, spend the day focusing on one of these truths at a time. Take the time to look up the referenced verses and memorize what He has promised you.

Here’s one biblical affirmation for each day of the week!

Monday

God has a plan and purpose for my life (Jeremiah 29:11)

Tuesday

His goodness and mercy pursue me (Psalm 23:6).

Wednesday

The Lord fights for me (Exodus 14:14).

Thursday

The Lord does not forsake those who seek Him (Psalm 9:10).

Friday

I can dwell safely in the Lord, for He shelters me (Deuteronomy 33:12).

Saturday

The Lord is my keeper (Psalm 121:5).

Sunday

I will not be shaken because the Lord is at my right hand, and I have set Him before me (Psalm 16:8).

He is Enough

Sister, please remember: God is enough. Even in the pit. Even when you’re struggling. Even when all else fails, and all you hold dear is stripped away.

God is enough.

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How to Purposely Pray Over Your Children

Prayer is one of the most beautiful parts of our relationship with Christ that we get to enjoy. I mean, think about it– at any point, on any given day, and at absolutely any time, we can have a conversation with the Almighty God. The same God who created the universe (Genesis 1:1). The same God who knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). The same God who sent His only Son to die so that you could be made right in His eyes, and yes– have a complete, VIP, all-access pass straight into His throne room (Ephesians 2:18).

But sometimes we can take this for granted.

At times, our prayers are weak, quick, or just a thing we check off our to-do list. Sometimes we tell a sister, “I’ll pray for you,” yet the prayer request gets lost in the heaviness of our own day. We have every intention to spend ample time communing with the Lord, but things “get in our way,” or “take up our time,” compressing our prayer life into a simple, “Please, thank you, Jesus. Amen.”

I pray (no pun intended) I’m not alone in this.

Regardless, we know prayer is important. It’s important in all aspects of our lives, but as mothers– it’s especially important in the lives of our children. A wise sister has often said to me, “Who else is going to pray for your children more than you?”

Since my children were very little, I’ve prayed specific blessings and Scriptures over them. I’ll share them in a bit. 

But first, let’s stop and really think about our approach to prayer and why it’s important.

What is prayer?

Prayer is communication with God. Talking to Him, crying out to Him, praising Him, or petitioning Him– whether aloud or from the depths of our heart– all constitute prayer. When we pray, we have the opportunity to bear our soul before our Heavenly Father. Although He is omniscient, searches our hearts, and knows every intent of our thoughts (1 Chronicles 28:9), He still desires that we bring everything to Him.

Like any good father, He wants to hear from us regularly. He wants to know our pains, struggles, and greatest joys. He is faithful, and therefore we can always approach Him with thanksgiving.

Our prayers may not always be answered in the way that we think, but they are never for naught. They allow us to draw near to the Lord, and there is always much to learn as we humbly approach Him, trusting in His perfect will.

But, prayer isn't just about us speaking to God-- it also involves Him speaking with us. Oftentimes, it is better to simply be still and listen to what He has to say, as opposed to doing all of the talking. 

What we learn from Nehemiah about prayer

The first chapter of the Old Testament book of Nehemiah begins with a powerful prayer, spoken by Nehemiah himself. At the time, Nehemiah was serving as cupbearer to the king in Susa (Nehemiah 1:11), and he received a bad report regarding the Jewish exiles who had returned to Jerusalem (1:3). 

The news brought great distress to Nehemiah (1:4). He was distressed over the state of Jerusalem, as well as those he loved, and he took his sorrow to the Lord in prayer before doing anything else. We see this prayer beginning in verse 5 of the first chapter.

Significant elements of Nehemiah’s prayer

There are important pieces of Nehemiah’s prayer that we can implement practically in ours. Although there isn’t a specific method we need to use to pray each time, it can be helpful to keep a few things in mind as we approach the throne of grace:

Nehemiah praised the Lord first.

I said, “Please, Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps the covenant and faithfulness for those who love Him and keep His commandments:” (1:5 NASB)

Although his heart mourned, he didn’t hesitate to still praise the Lord for who He is. Nehemiah’s opinion of God didn’t change based on the situation at hand.

He offered up prayer for all the children of Israel, interceding on their behalf.

Let Your ear now be attentive and Your eyes open, to hear the prayer of Your servant which I am praying before You now, day and night, on behalf of the sons of Israel Your servants… (1:6)

Just as Nehemiah prayed on behalf of all the children of Israel, we as moms can (and should) intercede for our own children in prayer. This isn’t just a one-time thing. The Word calls us to be diligent in our prayers (1 Thessalonians 5:17), whether they’re for ourselves or others.

He confessed their sins, including himself and his family in the confession.

…confessing the sins of the sons of Israel which we have committed against You; I and my father’s house have sinned. We have acted very corruptly against You and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses. (1:6-7)

Notice his use of “we” and not “they.” Many times we tend to see the wrongs and faults of our kids. Perhaps we take these things to the Lord, asking Him to change their hearts, make them more obedient, or to help them see their sin for what it is. Yet, we have to be careful to not only share the sins of our children. We also need to see our own sin in each situation and include ourselves in our confessions. 

Yes, they disobeyed repeatedly, or talked back— but did you yell at your kids in the process? Did you lose self-control, or let your anger brew? 

Nehemiah, although living in another land, was quick to realize that he was still a part of his people, and therefore still a part of the sins they'd committed.

He acknowledged that God kept His promises in the past. therefore, he came before the Lord with the hope that He would continue to keep His promises.

They are Your servants and Your people whom You redeemed by Your great power and by Your strong hand. Please, Lord, may Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and the prayer of Your servants who delight to revere Your name, and please make Your servant successful today and grant him mercy before this man. (1:10-11)

Think about times in your past when God was faithful. Write them down. Remember them. Often, when we’re in the thick of things, our brains tend to get foggy about our past. Making a habit of calling to remembrance what He’s done in our lives and the lives of our children helps us to be confident in the fact that He will do it again. The situation may not look the same, but His faithfulness does not change.

What makes an effective prayer?

Prayer is open, honest, raw, and genuine. The Lord wants us to bear our soul to Him, seeking His will for our lives, and coming to Him in faith. 

But, prayers don’t have to be lengthy to be effective. When Nehemiah humbly went before the king to ask for permission to return to Jerusalem, the king asked him what he requested. We see at the end of verse 4, and the start of verse 5:

So I prayed to the God of heaven. (2:4) Then I said to the king… (2:5)

The text doesn’t say that Nehemiah stepped away from the king or that there was a long pause between the king’s question and Nehemiah’s response. Assumably then, this was a quick, silent prayer in comparison to the one we see in the first chapter. 

Nehemiah prays silently as he is literally standing before the king.

I love this. Before answering, he prays. He could have just said whatever popped into his mind, but he inquired of the Lord before opening his mouth.

“Pray first. Speak second.”

— A Woman Created On Purpose

And, if you read on, you’ll notice he asked for some very specific things from the king– letters with specific details for specific people. In verse 8, Nehemiah narrates the text, explaining that the king granted these things to him “because the good hand of my God was on me.”

The hand of God was on him because he prayed first and spoke second. His requests were able to come from a position of what the Lord wanted to happen in order to complete His plans and purposes, not from Nehemiah’s perspective and what he thought would be best.

Effective prayers seek the will of the Lord first.

Praying for your children: 5 TipS

There is no right or wrong way to pray over your children. Just do it! Bring them boldly to the Lord’s throne and lay them at His feet.

Gleaning from Nehemiah, here are a few things to keep in mind:

#1: CONSIDER THE STATE OF YOUR CHILDREN, just as Nehemiah did concerning the state of Jerusalem. What is going on in their lives? Where do they struggle? Are they feeling pressured? Living in distress? In what areas do they do well? 

Some of these answers we can see, and some we may need to inquire of the Lord.

#2: TAKE THEIR “STATE” TO THE LORD. Ask the Lord to lead you to specific Scriptures you can pray over your children to battle those issues. Keep in mind that the “state of your children” changes as they grow, so this is a regular observation and reflection to be had by you as their mother.

#3: INTERCEDE FOR YOUR CHILDREN. As Nehemiah prayed for the children of Israel, you too need to intercede on your children’s behalf. If you aren’t regularly praying for your own children, who is?

#4: REMEMBER THE LORD’S FAITHFULNESS. In prayer, you can remember the Lord’s faithfulness in the past, which helps you to have hope in His faithfulness in the present. Knowing this truth keeps you from dwelling on the current struggles you face in motherhood or your children’s “state” now.

#5: DEVOTE TIME IN YOUR SCHEDULE TO PRAY. We’re busy moms, for sure. But, praying over your children is worth rearranging your schedule a bit so you can have ample time to take your cares and concerns before the Lord.

Remember His faithfulness to them in the past, and know that the good work that He started, He will complete (Philippians 1:6).

“Consider the state of your children. Where do they struggle? In what areas do they do well?”

— A Woman Created On Purpose

So, sister, what do you request?

You see the distresses of our children, and as the king asked Nehemiah, “What do you request?” (Nehemiah 2:4). In the same fashion, typically you may ask yourself, What should I do?

Will you look at the situation and do what you think is best? Or, like Nehemiah, will you pray to the God of Heaven?

What would the Lord have you do? Sometimes He gives you numerous details. Sometimes He simply gives you the single next step to take.

I want the good hand of my God to be on me, especially in eternal matters– like the lives of my children. 

How to pray Scriptures over your children

It sounds redundant, but sometimes you have to pray about what you should pray about. Meaning, you need to ask the Lord for deeper insight into your life and the lives of your children. When I’ve done this, He’s oftentimes led me to particular Scriptures (or lessons we can take from specific Scriptures) that I can pray.

I pray...

• That my daughter would have the courage of Esther.

• That she would understand pride comes before the fall (Proverbs 16:18).

• That my son would have the steadfastness for the Lord, like Daniel.

• That he would desire to only declare the truth (Proverbs 12:17).

• That my children would grow in wisdom and stature, in favor of God and man (Luke 2:52).

• That they’d find a friend like Jonathan. Jonathan and David’s relationship exemplifies honor, self-sacrifice, putting God’s plan for David ahead of self-interest, commitment, protection, and standing up for the other. (Read my guest post at Undoubted Grace about Godly Friendships!)

Each prayer has been placed on my heart for certain reasons, and it's encouraging to see various aspects of each come to fruition in different ways.

Sister, let’s be diligent to pray for our children without ceasing!

Are there specific things you’re praying over your children? Share in the comments below!

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Spirit-Led Parenting

Yes, I’m going there…let’s talk about how to stop yelling at our kids. 

Now, I know some of you are hesitant to read this because you’re not a yeller. If this is you, praise the Lord for self-control. I really mean that— praise the Lord! However, I encourage you to keep scrolling as there are some insightful things in this article that will be shared. Things you may not realize you’re doing, even if you aren’t prone to raising your voice. For the rest of us who do raise our voices from time to time, allow me to share a few things the Lord has been stirring in my heart. 

First, let me start with the fact that as Christians, we are free in Christ.

What Does the Bible Say About Freedom in Christ?

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. (Galatians 5:1)

In Christ, believers are called to freedom. Through His death and resurrection, Christ has set you free. You’re no longer bound to the Law and you’re not a slave to sin.

For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him.  For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:7-11)

As a believer, you died with Christ, and this verse in Romans states that you are freed from sin. You’re not only dead to sin, but alive to God. There are no chains. We are truly free.

Yet, this freedom is not a “do whatever you want” card. 

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. (Galatians 5:13)

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? (Romans 6:1-2)

Your freedom in Christ is not an opportunity to live in the flesh and fulfill all of your desires, knowing God will forgive you. Because your heart is now “freed up” from the chains of sin, you have the ability, and hopefully, the desire to live according to the Lord’s will for your life, making decisions that please Him. You can truly serve one another through love, which can only be done properly through Christ.

So What Does This Have to Do With Spirit-Led Parenting?

…And, how do we get to the place where we’re truly serving our children through Christ’s love? 

Before we can tackle these questions, I believe we need to answer: Who is the Holy Spirit and what does He do?

The Holy Spirit is God, the third person of the Trinity (the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). He is in fact a “He”, not a “what,” as He is sometimes mistakenly referenced. Jesus told His disciples that the Father would send a Helper who would dwell with them and in them.

And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. (John 14:16-17)

Let’s remember that when you received Christ as your Savior, the Holy Spirit took up residence in you (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). He is with you always to guide, help, teach, comfort, and intercede in prayer for you. He is ready and willing to lead you on the best paths for your life. And, we learn from Psalm 25:10, that, “All the paths of the Lord are faithfulness and truth.” In your parenting, you can be led by the Holy Spirit.

The question is: Are you willing to be led?

If you’ve read my article about finding rest in busy motherhood, you’ll remember that when things are in disarray and behavior is out of control, my default is to get frustrated. This leads to nothing but weariness. Essentially, what I am doing is reverting back to being a slave to sin at that moment. So, how can I be led by the Holy Spirit instead?

As we discussed above, in Christ, we are called to freedom. However, just because my heart is freed up from the chains of sin doesn’t mean that I have chosen to walk in the Spirit right then and there. It’s a choice. We’ll get to more on that later.

First, let’s talk about another choice we have. This choice is in terms of how we treat our children: Loving Your Neighbor vs. Devouring Each Other.

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another! (Galatians 5:14-15)

How to Love Your Neighbor

Let’s be honest. Sometimes my children’s behavior gets a little out of sorts, if you will. There is bickering, talking back, delayed obedience, and the like. My patience runs thin more times a day than I care to admit. 

If your season of motherhood looks anything like mine, when these times hit, how are you responding to your kids? How do you treat them when you’re disciplining them? Even when you’re upset or they’re being very disobedient, are you treating them the way you’d want to be treated? 

Are you looking out for their interests (helping them to develop a godly character that lives for the Lord; teaching them to be aware of their sin and the need for repentance; showing them to be kind and forgiving), OR are you only looking out for your own interests (can I have a little peace and quiet, please?!)? 

Paul warns us about this:

Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

He urges you not to do things only with your own selfish ambitions in mind. I believe this can apply to serving others, including your spouse and children.

Spirit-Led parenting requires a little more than just looking out for yourself, right? 

When you parent in the flesh, the times of dissatisfactory behavior in your children call for yelling, ordering your kids around, and hard discipline tactics that shout, “Do as you’re told, now!”

Let’s think about what happens when you constantly yell at your child. I use this illustration with myself at times: Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Imagine someone a foot or two taller than you who is yelling and barking orders at you all day. 

Now, picture yourself at your workplace, or a place where you’re working under another’s authority. Visualize what it’d be like if that authority figure was constantly making demands over your shoulder, or yelling at you every time you messed up. Likely, you’d be stressed, annoyed, fearful, and unproductive.

Do you parent like this? Full disclosure– sometimes I do. It’s very fleshly, and unloving.

Of course, you need to correct, discipline, and teach your children the importance of obedience. However, in doing so, your actions need to show that you love your neighbor. Jesus used words, stories, and parables many times to correct people’s actions or way of thinking. He didn’t lose his temper and yell at them because they didn’t get it.

Listen– there’s a time to flip tables in holy anger and a time for stern, but loving correction in other forms.

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

Raising your voice all the time– it’s so easy to do, especially when you’ve repeated yourself a million times (Bonus tip: Don’t repeat yourself a million times!).

A great first step at loving your neighbor (in this case, your child) is to stay calm when your child won’t listen, or when there is fighting, arguing, and just flat-out disobedience going on. Here are a few things the Lord has put on my heart, that I too am working on as I learn more and more how to rely on the Spirit in my parenting.

#1: PRAY FIRST.

Before opening your mouth, pray. Ask the Lord to guide you in how to handle the situation.

I recently heard an illustration that outlines the difference between reacting and responding. 

Think of medicine. When you’re taking medication, if you react to it, that normally means something bad. Your body rejected it or perhaps you’re having an allergic reaction. However, if your doctor tells you that you are responding to the medication, that typically means something good. It’s working well, and you’ll likely have a positive outcome.

Stepping into a situation without praying first is reacting. There’s very little thought, just emotions; and it ignites a bad reaction in others.

But, when you pray about it first, the Lord calms your heart and gives you wisdom. This opens up the door for us to respond well because it is a Spirit-led response.

#2: HELP YOUR CHILD SEE the moment through the eyes of the Lord.

Tell him you understand-- things can be hard, frustrating, and unfair at times. Siblings take toys, push each other, and fight, yes– but God calls you to first repent of your own sin and accept His forgiveness. He doesn’t call you to retaliate against those who do you wrong. Teach him these truths. The Lord is more concerned with your child’s heart than making sure he gets his way. And, everything isn’t as big of an issue as your child may think— he needs to come to realize this too!

#3: HELP YOUR CHILD UNDERSTAND how he has sinned. 

Using God’s character as a guide, explain to him why what he did was wrong. Be mindful of your words– instead of simply telling him that he shouldn’t lie, show him that the Lord is Truth (John 14:6) and the Lord desires him to have a heart that portrays His character. You can say, “Don’t hit your sister back”, but it’s much more impactful to point him to Scripture that clearly states that he shouldn’t take vengeance into his own hands and why (Romans 12:17-19).

Going deeper in your conversations with your child implants the character of the Lord in his heart, and heart change only happens through the Word and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Remember-- you want your child to grow up making good decisions because they what to honor the Lord and display godly character in a dark world, not just because they have a bunch of rules they've been conditioned to follow.

#4: TEACH YOUR CHILD how to pray about it.

Lead your child in a prayer asking the Lord for forgiveness and for help to overcome this sin. If your child sees you stop and pray before you respond, he will begin to understand why he should stop and pray during tough situations. This also gets your child in the habit of taking his troubles before the Lord, as opposed to shouldering them himself.

#5: TEACH YOUR CHILD HOW TO EXTEND GRACE to those who’ve wronged him.

You can help your child calmly communicate to the other party how he feels, and what he believes was wrong. This opens up the door for the other person to offer an apology. Without communication, apologies seldom come. From here, it’s important that your child knows how to accept the apology and offer forgiveness, just as Jesus did for us. Of course, he also needs to be willing to offer apologies to those he's wronged as well. 

#6: PRAY AGAIN.

Group hug and group prayer, anyone? Thanking God through prayer at the end of a resolved conflict can help your child understand that everything that just occurred wasn’t by his own power or might, but by the Lord’s. Make it clear that it was the Lord who softened his heart, helped him to gain a better understanding, and gave him the power to forgive.

What You're Doing Has An Eternal Impact

You see, discipline is more than just a punishment dished out because your child didn’t do what he was told. We are to train a child up in the way he should go, not only teaching him how to have a heart that is after God’s own heart, but also showing him the importance of living a Spirit-led life.

Doesn’t that sound better than flying off the handle? Does this take more time and effort than simply yelling until he obeys? Of course. But the impact you’re making in your child’s life is far more positive and eternal. 

Remember, the more you lose your temper, the more likely it is that your children will lose their cool, which leads us to the opponent of what we just discussed.

Biting & Devouring Each Other

On the flip side, walking out quarrelsome situations in the flesh looks entirely different. In Galatians 5:15, Paul refers to biting and devouring each other. I don’t know about you, but this terminology makes me envision wild animals that are at odds with each other.

Another full disclosure– sometimes this happens in my home too. Allow me to illustrate this vicious cycle:

Let’s say there is the issue of playing fair between the children. When one person lashes out in anger, it’s easy for those involved to lose their cool and do the same thing. A parent steps in, and without stopping to pray about it first, she or he gets heated up as well.

Next, all become selfish in the process, each wanting to defend their own “rights” and actions. The parent wants fair, cordial play to happen, the fighting to end, and everyone to obey. For the kids, defending their rights comes in the form of defending their own disobedience, whether it was against their sibling or the parent.

Said parent continues to get more upset at the lack of respect and disobedience, while the kid(s) tries harder to defend his rights– which of course leads to further anger and disobedience.

With my own kids, I see that this process doesn’t allow them to see their sin for what it is. It makes them focus only on themselves and gain a prideful attitude as they try to defend the reasons why they were right or how they didn’t mess up.

When there’s too much anger brewing, there's too much pride that comes along with it.

Vicious Cycle, Exhibit A: My kids sin. They see me sin by the way I react to their sin, so they continue to sin in the ways they defend themselves (words, more disobedience, bucking at punishment). Then, I continue to sin in anger. Case in point: We devour each other.

Instead, handling situations with the kids in a way that is “loving your neighbor” gives them the opportunity to see and feel love, which puts them in a place where they’re more open to reflect on their sin and repent for it. 

This is what Jesus did for us on the cross. He didn't force us to repent by yelling at us to accept Him and fall in line. He loved us and showed us love, which allows us to see our sin for what it is and repent.

How To Keep From Devouring One Another: Walk in the Spirit

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. (Galatians 5:16)

This verse sums it up for you. You can’t walk in both the Spirit and the flesh at the same time. It’s almost as if it works by default. If you are diligent to walk in the Spirit, by default you won’t have the desire to fulfill the lust of the flesh– at least not on a consistent basis.

You can choose to not walk in the Spirit, and instead, do your best to simply avoid the deeds of the flesh; however, this will prove to be difficult because you’re relying on yourself to do it in your own strength. Even if this is a possible strategy for you, please note: simply avoiding the deeds of the flesh does not make you walk in the Spirit. This does not happen by default. 

How can you know this? Because, Paul didn’t say, “Do not fulfill the lust of the flesh, and you will walk in the Spirit.” You have to choose to walk in the Spirit and to be led by Him. The Lord always wants you to willingly choose to walk with Him. Then, and only then will you be powered by Him, able to live according to His Word.

How Do You Know If You Are Walking in the Spirit?

When you allow yourself to be led by the Spirit in your parenting, you will see His fruit evident in how you treat your children. There will be more patience in your responses; more kindness, and definitely more self-control. You won’t act out the first reaction that comes to mind; you’ll let the Spirit be your guide. In other words, the fruit of the Spirit manifests in your life when you walk in the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)

If you’ve ever studied the fruit of the Spirit, then you know that’s a completely different Bible study in and of itself. We won’t go through each of them now, but just know that things like peace, patience, self-control (read: no more yelling!), and gentleness are all amazing traits you want floating around your household. Imagine a world where all in your house are exhibiting this fruit daily.

Living in the Spirit vs. Walking in the Spirit

And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:24-25)

I have one last, important comparison for you. I think it’s important to note the difference between living in the Spirit and walking in the Spirit.

We “live in the Spirit” by default because of Christ’s death and resurrection. As stated previously, as believers, we are in Christ and Christ is in us. The Holy Spirit dwells within us. 

Although this is true, and as we also already covered–  “walking in the Spirit” is not by default. In verse 25, Paul says the words, “let us also…” The word also implies that these are two separate things– one that happens by default when we accept Christ as our Savior (living in the Spirit); and the other, a choice we have to make on a regular basis (walking in the Spirit).

Is Your Tree Planted By the Living Water?

So, sister– are you abiding in the Lord, and drawing from Him on a daily basis? How’s your fruit? Are there some that are more evident in your parenting than others? I know that is certainly true for me. I encourage you to spend time studying the fruit of the Spirit and take inventory in your life.

Spirit-led parenting leads us down a path that is more loving and gentle because we are choosing to let the Spirit lead us in leading our children. As Paul said, if we in fact live in the Spirit, why not also make the decision to walk in the Spirit– and therefore enjoy all of the benefits of a well-watered life? 

Let’s link arms together and purpose to walk no other path than the one the Lord has for us in every moment. Lay down your fleshly deeds and desires: your “rights” and your need to make your children fall in line. Instead, let’s teach them how to fall in love– in love with our Savior, His character, the blessings, and the fruit He has in store for them when they choose to live Spirit-led lives.

Which fruit of the Spirit are the most evident in your parenting? Which ones do you need to take before the Lord for help? Share with me in the comments below!