Spirit-Led Parenting

Yes, I’m going there…let’s talk about how to stop yelling at our kids. 

Now, I know some of you are hesitant to read this because you’re not a yeller. If this is you, praise the Lord for self-control. I really mean that— praise the Lord! However, I encourage you to keep scrolling as there are some insightful things in this article that will be shared. Things you may not realize you’re doing, even if you aren’t prone to raising your voice. For the rest of us who do raise our voices from time to time, allow me to share a few things the Lord has been stirring in my heart. 

First, let me start with the fact that as Christians, we are free in Christ.

What Does the Bible Say About Freedom in Christ?

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. (Galatians 5:1)

In Christ, believers are called to freedom. Through His death and resurrection, Christ has set you free. You’re no longer bound to the Law and you’re not a slave to sin.

For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him.  For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:7-11)

As a believer, you died with Christ, and this verse in Romans states that you are freed from sin. You’re not only dead to sin, but alive to God. There are no chains. We are truly free.

Yet, this freedom is not a “do whatever you want” card. 

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. (Galatians 5:13)

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? (Romans 6:1-2)

Your freedom in Christ is not an opportunity to live in the flesh and fulfill all of your desires, knowing God will forgive you. Because your heart is now “freed up” from the chains of sin, you have the ability, and hopefully, the desire to live according to the Lord’s will for your life, making decisions that please Him. You can truly serve one another through love, which can only be done properly through Christ.

So What Does This Have to Do With Spirit-Led Parenting?

…And, how do we get to the place where we’re truly serving our children through Christ’s love? 

Before we can tackle these questions, I believe we need to answer: Who is the Holy Spirit and what does He do?

The Holy Spirit is God, the third person of the Trinity (the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). He is in fact a “He”, not a “what,” as He is sometimes mistakenly referenced. Jesus told His disciples that the Father would send a Helper who would dwell with them and in them.

And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. (John 14:16-17)

Let’s remember that when you received Christ as your Savior, the Holy Spirit took up residence in you (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). He is with you always to guide, help, teach, comfort, and intercede in prayer for you. He is ready and willing to lead you on the best paths for your life. And, we learn from Psalm 25:10, that, “All the paths of the Lord are faithfulness and truth.” In your parenting, you can be led by the Holy Spirit.

The question is: Are you willing to be led?

If you’ve read my article about finding rest in busy motherhood, you’ll remember that when things are in disarray and behavior is out of control, my default is to get frustrated. This leads to nothing but weariness. Essentially, what I am doing is reverting back to being a slave to sin at that moment. So, how can I be led by the Holy Spirit instead?

As we discussed above, in Christ, we are called to freedom. However, just because my heart is freed up from the chains of sin doesn’t mean that I have chosen to walk in the Spirit right then and there. It’s a choice. We’ll get to more on that later.

First, let’s talk about another choice we have. This choice is in terms of how we treat our children: Loving Your Neighbor vs. Devouring Each Other.

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another! (Galatians 5:14-15)

How to Love Your Neighbor

Let’s be honest. Sometimes my children’s behavior gets a little out of sorts, if you will. There is bickering, talking back, delayed obedience, and the like. My patience runs thin more times a day than I care to admit. 

If your season of motherhood looks anything like mine, when these times hit, how are you responding to your kids? How do you treat them when you’re disciplining them? Even when you’re upset or they’re being very disobedient, are you treating them the way you’d want to be treated? 

Are you looking out for their interests (helping them to develop a godly character that lives for the Lord; teaching them to be aware of their sin and the need for repentance; showing them to be kind and forgiving), OR are you only looking out for your own interests (can I have a little peace and quiet, please?!)? 

Paul warns us about this:

Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

He urges you not to do things only with your own selfish ambitions in mind. I believe this can apply to serving others, including your spouse and children.

Spirit-Led parenting requires a little more than just looking out for yourself, right? 

When you parent in the flesh, the times of dissatisfactory behavior in your children call for yelling, ordering your kids around, and hard discipline tactics that shout, “Do as you’re told, now!”

Let’s think about what happens when you constantly yell at your child. I use this illustration with myself at times: Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Imagine someone a foot or two taller than you who is yelling and barking orders at you all day. 

Now, picture yourself at your workplace, or a place where you’re working under another’s authority. Visualize what it’d be like if that authority figure was constantly making demands over your shoulder, or yelling at you every time you messed up. Likely, you’d be stressed, annoyed, fearful, and unproductive.

Do you parent like this? Full disclosure– sometimes I do. It’s very fleshly, and unloving.

Of course, you need to correct, discipline, and teach your children the importance of obedience. However, in doing so, your actions need to show that you love your neighbor. Jesus used words, stories, and parables many times to correct people’s actions or way of thinking. He didn’t lose his temper and yell at them because they didn’t get it.

Listen– there’s a time to flip tables in holy anger and a time for stern, but loving correction in other forms.

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

Raising your voice all the time– it’s so easy to do, especially when you’ve repeated yourself a million times (Bonus tip: Don’t repeat yourself a million times!).

A great first step at loving your neighbor (in this case, your child) is to stay calm when your child won’t listen, or when there is fighting, arguing, and just flat-out disobedience going on. Here are a few things the Lord has put on my heart, that I too am working on as I learn more and more how to rely on the Spirit in my parenting.

#1: PRAY FIRST.

Before opening your mouth, pray. Ask the Lord to guide you in how to handle the situation.

I recently heard an illustration that outlines the difference between reacting and responding. 

Think of medicine. When you’re taking medication, if you react to it, that normally means something bad. Your body rejected it or perhaps you’re having an allergic reaction. However, if your doctor tells you that you are responding to the medication, that typically means something good. It’s working well, and you’ll likely have a positive outcome.

Stepping into a situation without praying first is reacting. There’s very little thought, just emotions; and it ignites a bad reaction in others.

But, when you pray about it first, the Lord calms your heart and gives you wisdom. This opens up the door for us to respond well because it is a Spirit-led response.

#2: HELP YOUR CHILD SEE the moment through the eyes of the Lord.

Tell him you understand-- things can be hard, frustrating, and unfair at times. Siblings take toys, push each other, and fight, yes– but God calls you to first repent of your own sin and accept His forgiveness. He doesn’t call you to retaliate against those who do you wrong. Teach him these truths. The Lord is more concerned with your child’s heart than making sure he gets his way. And, everything isn’t as big of an issue as your child may think— he needs to come to realize this too!

#3: HELP YOUR CHILD UNDERSTAND how he has sinned. 

Using God’s character as a guide, explain to him why what he did was wrong. Be mindful of your words– instead of simply telling him that he shouldn’t lie, show him that the Lord is Truth (John 14:6) and the Lord desires him to have a heart that portrays His character. You can say, “Don’t hit your sister back”, but it’s much more impactful to point him to Scripture that clearly states that he shouldn’t take vengeance into his own hands and why (Romans 12:17-19).

Going deeper in your conversations with your child implants the character of the Lord in his heart, and heart change only happens through the Word and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Remember-- you want your child to grow up making good decisions because they what to honor the Lord and display godly character in a dark world, not just because they have a bunch of rules they've been conditioned to follow.

#4: TEACH YOUR CHILD how to pray about it.

Lead your child in a prayer asking the Lord for forgiveness and for help to overcome this sin. If your child sees you stop and pray before you respond, he will begin to understand why he should stop and pray during tough situations. This also gets your child in the habit of taking his troubles before the Lord, as opposed to shouldering them himself.

#5: TEACH YOUR CHILD HOW TO EXTEND GRACE to those who’ve wronged him.

You can help your child calmly communicate to the other party how he feels, and what he believes was wrong. This opens up the door for the other person to offer an apology. Without communication, apologies seldom come. From here, it’s important that your child knows how to accept the apology and offer forgiveness, just as Jesus did for us. Of course, he also needs to be willing to offer apologies to those he's wronged as well. 

#6: PRAY AGAIN.

Group hug and group prayer, anyone? Thanking God through prayer at the end of a resolved conflict can help your child understand that everything that just occurred wasn’t by his own power or might, but by the Lord’s. Make it clear that it was the Lord who softened his heart, helped him to gain a better understanding, and gave him the power to forgive.

What You're Doing Has An Eternal Impact

You see, discipline is more than just a punishment dished out because your child didn’t do what he was told. We are to train a child up in the way he should go, not only teaching him how to have a heart that is after God’s own heart, but also showing him the importance of living a Spirit-led life.

Doesn’t that sound better than flying off the handle? Does this take more time and effort than simply yelling until he obeys? Of course. But the impact you’re making in your child’s life is far more positive and eternal. 

Remember, the more you lose your temper, the more likely it is that your children will lose their cool, which leads us to the opponent of what we just discussed.

Biting & Devouring Each Other

On the flip side, walking out quarrelsome situations in the flesh looks entirely different. In Galatians 5:15, Paul refers to biting and devouring each other. I don’t know about you, but this terminology makes me envision wild animals that are at odds with each other.

Another full disclosure– sometimes this happens in my home too. Allow me to illustrate this vicious cycle:

Let’s say there is the issue of playing fair between the children. When one person lashes out in anger, it’s easy for those involved to lose their cool and do the same thing. A parent steps in, and without stopping to pray about it first, she or he gets heated up as well.

Next, all become selfish in the process, each wanting to defend their own “rights” and actions. The parent wants fair, cordial play to happen, the fighting to end, and everyone to obey. For the kids, defending their rights comes in the form of defending their own disobedience, whether it was against their sibling or the parent.

Said parent continues to get more upset at the lack of respect and disobedience, while the kid(s) tries harder to defend his rights– which of course leads to further anger and disobedience.

With my own kids, I see that this process doesn’t allow them to see their sin for what it is. It makes them focus only on themselves and gain a prideful attitude as they try to defend the reasons why they were right or how they didn’t mess up.

When there’s too much anger brewing, there's too much pride that comes along with it.

Vicious Cycle, Exhibit A: My kids sin. They see me sin by the way I react to their sin, so they continue to sin in the ways they defend themselves (words, more disobedience, bucking at punishment). Then, I continue to sin in anger. Case in point: We devour each other.

Instead, handling situations with the kids in a way that is “loving your neighbor” gives them the opportunity to see and feel love, which puts them in a place where they’re more open to reflect on their sin and repent for it. 

This is what Jesus did for us on the cross. He didn't force us to repent by yelling at us to accept Him and fall in line. He loved us and showed us love, which allows us to see our sin for what it is and repent.

How To Keep From Devouring One Another: Walk in the Spirit

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. (Galatians 5:16)

This verse sums it up for you. You can’t walk in both the Spirit and the flesh at the same time. It’s almost as if it works by default. If you are diligent to walk in the Spirit, by default you won’t have the desire to fulfill the lust of the flesh– at least not on a consistent basis.

You can choose to not walk in the Spirit, and instead, do your best to simply avoid the deeds of the flesh; however, this will prove to be difficult because you’re relying on yourself to do it in your own strength. Even if this is a possible strategy for you, please note: simply avoiding the deeds of the flesh does not make you walk in the Spirit. This does not happen by default. 

How can you know this? Because, Paul didn’t say, “Do not fulfill the lust of the flesh, and you will walk in the Spirit.” You have to choose to walk in the Spirit and to be led by Him. The Lord always wants you to willingly choose to walk with Him. Then, and only then will you be powered by Him, able to live according to His Word.

How Do You Know If You Are Walking in the Spirit?

When you allow yourself to be led by the Spirit in your parenting, you will see His fruit evident in how you treat your children. There will be more patience in your responses; more kindness, and definitely more self-control. You won’t act out the first reaction that comes to mind; you’ll let the Spirit be your guide. In other words, the fruit of the Spirit manifests in your life when you walk in the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)

If you’ve ever studied the fruit of the Spirit, then you know that’s a completely different Bible study in and of itself. We won’t go through each of them now, but just know that things like peace, patience, self-control (read: no more yelling!), and gentleness are all amazing traits you want floating around your household. Imagine a world where all in your house are exhibiting this fruit daily.

Living in the Spirit vs. Walking in the Spirit

And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:24-25)

I have one last, important comparison for you. I think it’s important to note the difference between living in the Spirit and walking in the Spirit.

We “live in the Spirit” by default because of Christ’s death and resurrection. As stated previously, as believers, we are in Christ and Christ is in us. The Holy Spirit dwells within us. 

Although this is true, and as we also already covered–  “walking in the Spirit” is not by default. In verse 25, Paul says the words, “let us also…” The word also implies that these are two separate things– one that happens by default when we accept Christ as our Savior (living in the Spirit); and the other, a choice we have to make on a regular basis (walking in the Spirit).

Is Your Tree Planted By the Living Water?

So, sister– are you abiding in the Lord, and drawing from Him on a daily basis? How’s your fruit? Are there some that are more evident in your parenting than others? I know that is certainly true for me. I encourage you to spend time studying the fruit of the Spirit and take inventory in your life.

Spirit-led parenting leads us down a path that is more loving and gentle because we are choosing to let the Spirit lead us in leading our children. As Paul said, if we in fact live in the Spirit, why not also make the decision to walk in the Spirit– and therefore enjoy all of the benefits of a well-watered life? 

Let’s link arms together and purpose to walk no other path than the one the Lord has for us in every moment. Lay down your fleshly deeds and desires: your “rights” and your need to make your children fall in line. Instead, let’s teach them how to fall in love– in love with our Savior, His character, the blessings, and the fruit He has in store for them when they choose to live Spirit-led lives.

Which fruit of the Spirit are the most evident in your parenting? Which ones do you need to take before the Lord for help? Share with me in the comments below!

How To Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Mistakes: 8 Powerful Tips

As a mom, there are seven words I never want to hear at the start of a sentence:

“Does anyone know whose child this is?” 

Unfortunately, these words reached my ears before. When I heard them, I turned in the direction of the adult voice asking the question, hoping to see a kind woman sitting with someone else’s child, comforting someone else’s child, and with a helpful hand upon the shoulder of someone else’s child. Except, it was not someone else’s child…it was my child. 

How did this happen? I didn’t even hear her crying. I’d know her voice and cry anywhere. In a crowd full of noisy children, if she yelled “Mommy!” I’d know it was her with my eyes closed and earplugs in, right? Not that day. Let me set the scene for you.

It was summertime, several years ago. My family and I were at a park, meeting a few friends and their kids for a playdate. Some of us hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years, so it was a time we were all looking forward to. Everyone was excited.

As soon as we arrived at the park, my kids hopped out of the car, raced to the playground, and began climbing, sliding, and having a blast. I was standing in the playground area where I could see them, and where I could watch for our other friends as they arrived. A few minutes passed. It was the moment I turned my back to hug the last set of friends who arrived. We began to chat, and it was then that I heard the words… 

“Does anyone know whose child this is?”   

I turned. She was crying. No, not crying. Bawling her eyes out. My daughter. MY DAUGHTER. I was just watching her, and she was fine. How did this happen? The kind woman helping her probably thought I was a neglectful parent.

My daughter, five years old at the time, sat on the ground holding her chin, which was bleeding profusely. She was crying so hard that she was gasping for breath and couldn’t make out any words. Ok, no big deal, I thought. I’m trained in first aid, so no need to panic. I know what to do. But the gash in her chin was too deep and it wouldn’t stop bleeding, so, leaving my husband, son, and our friends at the park, our joyful, fun-filled gathering turned into a trip to the local urgent care center. 

En route to the center, my daughter finally stopped crying and calmed down enough to talk. I asked her what happened. She was climbing one of the miniature “rock climbing” walls that decorate the sides of most playground equipment these days. She got to the very top and was so proud of herself... until she realized she couldn’t get back down. She yelled for one of her bigger and older friends to help, but no one heard her.

Then she spoke another set of words that I, as a mom, never wanted to hear—

“I was crying and kept calling for you mommy, but you didn’t come.”

Until then, I was calm and level-headed, but at that moment all I could do was cry my eyes out and tell her how sorry I was. I was glad that one of my friends had actually come along for the ride to help and to offer mother-to-mother moral support. I sure needed it right then because those words stung. I never wanted my daughter to believe that I wouldn’t come for her, or that I wouldn’t be there for her when she needed me the most.  

Enter guilt, center stage. 

Guilt is heavy. I mean, really, really heavy. It wears you down, tires you out, and makes you feel like the worst (mom, co-worker, leader, friend) ever. And you should feel like this, right?

Right—only if it is true and well-deserved guilt. You know, like the kind of guilt you have when you’ve actually, purposely done something of which you should be guilty. You lied. You cheated. You stole. You flew off the handle just because you were having a bad day, and took out all of your frustration on the poor, innocent soul who was listening, unfairly tearing him down. You ruined a relationship. Your actions broke trust…that kind of guilt. With this guilt, you more than likely sinned in some way and therefore you need to repent. These are the things that need to be confessed before the Lord.

In other words, this guilt is useful if it leads you to repentance.

Self-Imposed Guilt

But what about the self-imposed guilt that comes when you make an honest mistake, a miscalculation, or when something just doesn’t go the way you planned and somehow it’s “all your fault”?

That seems to be the time when you blame yourself for your shortcomings and put yourself down the most. You treat yourself poorly, condemn yourself, and dig up thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. Don’t get me wrong— I am all about personal responsibility, but sometimes I can take the self-blame game too far. I heap heavy piles of guilt on my shoulders and expect to walk around for the rest of the day (or week) handling my business like nothing is weighing me down. I put on my smile, talk sweetly to my husband and kids, and answer all of my texts with a bunch of exclamation points and emojis. Can you relate?

 Who am I fooling? Who are you fooling?

 No one, you think. I’m not fooling anyone. Everyone can see I’m guilty. All the fingers are pointing at me.   

 Nope. Only your own finger is pointing at you. 

The Guilt Experience

I like the way Wikipedia defines guilt as an experience: “a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a universal moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation.” 

Did you get that part? Accurately or not. News flash-- what you think is not always accurate. What you believe about yourself is definitely not always accurate. 

In order to shed this self-imposed guilt, you don’t need to look at the situation from a different perspective—you need to look at yourself from a different perspective.

8 Practical Tips To Help You Eliminate Guilt

#1: Pray.

As a daughter of the King, you have the invitation and access to approach His throne and lay out your wants, desires, and struggles before Him. When you’re going through a tough time— physically, emotionally, or mentally— and you’ve skipped right over praying about it, all you’ve done is hopped in the car and started circling the block over and over…and over. You don’t have the power to change your perspective on your own. You need the help of the God who created you to show you who you are, the true intentions of your heart, and the way He sees you. I’d encourage you to ask Him specifically to show you these things. What He reveals to you may drastically change whether or not you believe the guilt you’re feeling is warranted. 

#2: Stop.

Just stop. Stop the self-pity. Stop the anger. Stop replaying the situation in your head like it’s your favorite scene from a movie. Stop wishing you could go back in time and change what you did. Physically stop for a second, sit down, and relax. Stop immediately blaming yourself and putting yourself down. If you messed up, own it, seek forgiveness, then move on. It’s counterproductive to continue beating yourself down. This is false guilt. If you struggle with this, go back to Tip #1: Pray. Wash, rinse, repeat. I’ll say it again. Pray. Ask the Lord how He sees you so He can help you change your perspective. Psalm 139:17-18 says, 

“How precious also are Your thoughts for me, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the sand.” 

The Lord thinks good thoughts about those who are His. He sees you as flawless and righteous due to the blood of Jesus. Yes, even when you mess up. Even when you forget to pray. Even when you aren’t watching your children closely enough. Would the negative thoughts in your own head outweigh the good thoughts the Lord has of you? So many of us act like they do, otherwise, we wouldn’t beat ourselves up so much. This is nothing but pride. Practice seeing yourself as the Lord sees you.

#3: Start.

When you begin to see yourself as the Lord does, He’ll show you the areas within you that He wants to work on and grow. Talk to a confidant— someone who will listen to you, pray with you, and be honest with you. Maybe you did something wrong. Perhaps, you do in fact need to apologize to someone or explain the situation from your point of view to help that person understand why you did what you did. Go and do that. Again, if you are guilty of a sin, confess it to the Lord and repent. Truly repent, which means to turn away from it. Lean on the Holy Spirit and rely on Him to direct your steps. 

#4: Read Romans chapter 8.

Just read it. I’m not going to tell you what it says. Grab your Bible, go read it, and be encouraged. In Him, there is no condemnation and no separation. No matter what.

#5: Reverse.

Do you know the “Reverse” card in the game UNO? When you lay it down, it reverses the order of play among the players. Once in a while, we need to lay down a “reverse.” If you worked late and missed spending time with your kids, take a day off or plan a special family time for the weekend. If you were late to a meeting, next time, make a point to be super early. It may be the simplest gesture or act, but sometimes that’s all we need to feel we’ve mentally “gotten back” at the self-imposed guilt we’re feeling.

But, let me be clear: doing something “opposite” of what you’re feeling guilty about doesn’t somehow make you worthy before the Lord. 

He is not sitting around waiting for you to redeem yourself and atone for your own sins. You’re already forgiven by Him, through Christ. What I mean by playing a “reverse” is that sometimes it just mentally helps you forget about the mistake you made when you do the opposite, because it reminds you that you are not your mistake. 

Three hours and three stitches later, my daughter was as good as new. She was happy, completely trusting in me as her mama (even though the negative voice in my head was telling me I’d “failed her”), and asked if she could play on the playground when we got back to the park. And yes, she did play-- with no fear, no regrets, and no holding back. 

Instead of letting her play, I could have told her we were done for the day in an effort to try to protect her from being hurt again, but that would have been about my guilt and insecurities, not hers. So, she played, and I watched her (albeit, like a hawk), and her enjoyment and satisfaction of a “park well played” allowed me to leave with a little less guilt on my shoulders at the end of the day. This was my “reverse”.

#6: Believe that there are no coincidences.

Everything you do, every mistake you make, and every amazing thing you do can be used by the Lord in His perfect plan for your life. 

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) 

We truly were created on purpose (no mistakes), for a purpose (even if you don’t know it yet, it’s there), and with a specific purpose (your life has meaning). So “that thing” you feel guilty about—well, it happened for a reason. Sure, maybe it wasn’t something the Lord would have wanted you to do. Maybe you were disobedient. Or maybe it really was just an honest, sincere mistake. Either way, did you learn from it, become humbled by it, and grow through it? Will you remember that lesson when you need to in the future? 

Sometimes it’s not about the rock climbing wall or the mother’s back that was turned. It may not even be about YOU. Ever think of that? Just because you were the self-proclaimed star of the show doesn’t mean it was your name that was in lights. Just know that you don’t have to be defined by a single event in your life if you don’t want to be. The Lord can redeem anything if you give it to Him and allow Him to.

#7: Pray again. 

Broken records, reruns, instant replays...your mind works like this. You’ve got to hand this over to the Lord. Continue earnestly in prayer over the thoughts you’re struggling with. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) and allow Him to handle it. The Lord knows your thoughts and your heart, but He still wants you to speak to Him about it all.

#8: Know where you stand.

Remember there is a difference between your self-imposed, made-up guilt, and actually being guilty. Romans 3:23 says, 

“...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”.

We all sin. We fall short. We all are literally guilty. But you, daughter of the King, have Jesus who stepped in and took the blame for your sins. He bore your guilt and shame. In Him, you are seen as righteous before the Father.

It’s important to remember, in humility, what Christ’s death has done for you so you never forget why you need a Savior. However, be sure you don’t let the devil convict you of and condemn you for your sins. He loves to make sure you never forget them. Heaping all of that self-imposed guilt onto your head puts you in a mental state that leaves the door open for his schemes. But, Jesus loves to remind you that you are forgiven, and through His death on the cross, the Lord has already forgotten all the wrongs you, for whatever reason, try so hard to remember. 

Be A Woman After God’s Own Heart

We can end by joining David in his praise to the Lord for His mercies. This same David, who, despite the many mistakes he made throughout his life of which he was guilty, truly guilty— the Lord still called a man after God’s own heart.

Bless the Lord, my soul,

And all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Bless the Lord, my soul,

And do not forget any of His benefits;

Who pardons all your guilt,

Who heals all your diseases;

Who redeems your life from the pit,

Who crowns you with favor and compassion;

Who satisfies your years with good things,

So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord performs righteous deeds

And judgments for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses,

His deeds to the sons of Israel.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

Slow to anger and abounding in mercy.

He will not always contend with us,

Nor will He keep His anger forever. 

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,

Nor rewarded us according to our guilty deeds.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him.

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our wrongdoings from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children,

So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our form;

He is mindful that we are nothing but dust. (Psalm 103:1-14)

Are you a woman after God’s own heart? I know you purpose to be. Seek Him in the midst of your guilt and allow Him to work in you.

Living for the Lord on Purpose

A Brief Note of Encouragement

We live in a world that offers a lot of advice on the topic of ‘how to live your life on purpose.’ Advice will tell you to follow your dreams, pursue your passions, and live how you want to live-- according to your morals and beliefs. While there is nothing wrong with having aspirations or things you wish to accomplish, when your only purpose in life is to do what you want to do and live how you want to live, you're missing the boat-- especially as a Christian. The following has nothing to do with living for yourself, as I don't believe that is what God calls His children to do.

The excerpt I'm sharing below is from an old journal entry from 5/21/2007. Unbeknownst to me, those many years ago, God was preparing me to not only think about how to live my life on purpose but also how to encourage others to live on purpose. I guess you could say that this blog had its conception way back then. Originally, I wrote these words as if speaking to myself; but today, I speak them to you.

Live for the Lord on purpose. 

His glory should be reflected in your face, your words, and your actions. Each day, everything you do should reflect Christ’s character. Once you’ve accepted Christ and put your complete trust and faith in Him, you are being transformed into His image, from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18). It is up to you to show this to others– not for recognition or a pat on the back, but because it gives glory to God. 

What is your purpose in life?

To glorify God.

God is the only one you should be concerned with pleasing. Does this mean that you should purposefully disappoint others, or not care if you accidentally do? Not at all. But God’s ways are higher than man’s ways, and you can’t live life solely focused on what others think.

Why?

Because others have their faces veiled if they are not in Christ; they will not see you or the things of the Lord clearly. Fifty percent of the time they will question the things you do, and the rest of the time they may criticize you. The veil keeps them from obtaining true understanding. But-- you have a clear vision, and by leading them to Christ, their veil will be lifted. Wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:15-17).

Your life should reflect the Lord, what He has already done, and what He continues to do every day. Regardless of what others do or say, this will leave a trace of hope in their lives.

don’t hide the Lord’s work in your life

Live out God’s Word. Don’t shy away from His instruction during your interactions with others. Your life may be the only “version” of the Bible they've ever read up to that point. Be Christ-like in all you do. This will glorify God. 

When you choose to hide the Lord’s work in your life, you are being selfish and seeking to stay comfortable. I know; I’ve been there. I can clearly remember times when I didn't speak up to defend the Lord or give Him the glory for something He’d done in my life. However, in doing this, you seek to only receive glory for yourself because it gives off the false impression that all you have and all you’ve been through has been made possible by you.

It’s that age-old battle of “In you alone vs. In Christ alone.”

show less of yourself

Do you have spiritual gifts? (Say yes!) Don’t waste them by keeping them to yourself. If you’re not sure what they are, pray. If you’re not sure how to use them, pray.

Display who you are in Christ so He can be glorified in you. Show others less of yourself and more of Christ.

Less your way. More YAHWEH.

seek the lord

Above all else, SEEK HIM. Seek His Word, His truth, and all that He is. Purpose to know Him. The more you know the Lord, the more you'll yearn to please Him, and not yourself. In pleasing God, you will see just how pleasing He is to you. 

The Christian’s purpose in life is to glorify God, enjoy Him, and promote His plans. Sister, today I beseech you to live your life on purpose.

Original journal entry written by Shanna Ream in 2007, with a few additional notes added in 2021.

Why Ordinary Days Matter

The story of Ruth in the Bible is a beautiful one. It teaches us so many lessons if we’d only stop and think about the many facets and details of the story.

It’s a story of redemption, love, and commitment for sure. But, one underlying theme we can easily miss is the fact that each of us has so much impact on the lives of others through our day-to-day dealings with them. Those behaviors, words, and actions that seem so trivial at the time matter, and others notice. There is a beautiful reminder of this in the story of Ruth.

“But Ruth said:
“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.””

— Ruth 1:16

The Story of Ruth

I love reading the story of Ruth in the Bible. There is a lot to ponder in this sweet, short book. If you’ve read the story, Ruth 1:16 is likely a familiar passage to you.

At this point in the story, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law, is leaving the land of Moab to return to her home in the land of Judah. While in Moab, Naomi’s husband died, along with her two sons– one of whom was Ruth’s husband. Ruth had no real need or obligation to go with Naomi to her homeland. After all, Ruth was a Moabite and she still had family ties in Moab.

So, what compelled her to leave with Naomi?

Certainly, Ruth’s love for Naomi was a piece of the motivation, but that wasn’t all. Naomi pleaded more than once with her daughters-in-law not to follow her. Orpah, the woman who had been married to Naomi’s other son, chose to stay in Moab. Yet, Ruth would not take no for an answer. Why?

Ruth wanted Naomi’s God to be her God. 

Just an Ordinary Day

Naomi and her family probably had many ordinary days in Moab. They found a home, the men worked and provided for their wives; perhaps, they made new friends. Then, her husband died. Later, her two sons died. But, at some point during the 10 years that Naomi’s family lived in the land, Ruth began to gain an understanding of the God these Israelite foreigners served.

In the end, Ruth noticed that Naomi still trusted in the Lord to provide, despite all of the tragedy she’d faced— otherwise, she would not have been willing to return to her homeland. Naomi was going back because, although she was bitter (Ruth 1:20), she knew her only hope was in returning to the Lord. This compelled Ruth to want to know the God of Naomi. 

RELATED: Trusting God as Jehovah Jireh

You may think that today is just another ordinary day. You have the same daily things to do at work, around the house, or with your kids. Maybe you have a few errands to run. Nothing out of the ordinary, you think.

Is it, though?

Intentional living

I remember the first time someone asked me if I was a Christian. It was an ordinary day. At the time, I was working at the front desk of a nonprofit organization, so I was the first point of contact for everyone coming into the office. I still can picture his face— the man was likely in his 60’s, he had shaggy gray hair, a square jaw, and a big smile. This happened over 10 years ago, and to this day, I still have no idea what I did to prompt him to ask me that question. When someone approached the front desk, my normal protocol was to greet them and ask, “How can I help you?” Likely, that’s all I did on that “ordinary” day. 

The gentleman told me his name, what he needed, and then asked: “Are you a Christian?” But, what struck me was that he didn’t ask the question with a shred of doubt; he asked as if to confirm what he already knew. I remember returning a big smile and responding affirmatively. As a newer believer at the time, I was amazed that he could tell. Honestly, I was too stunned to ask him the same question in response, but I can guess that if I had, he would have said ‘yes.’ Undoubtedly, being a Christian helped him spot a fellow Christian; however, that wasn’t the important part of the story for me. 

On that ordinary day, I learned just how easily people notice things about others, whether they realize it or not. If they can recognize where your heart lies in the short time it takes to exchange simple pleasantries, how much more so during longer interactions? 

With the Lord, nothing is ever ordinary. There are no ordinary days that mean nothing. Unbeknownst to you, or perhaps you’re fully aware— there are always people watching you. They watch how you react, what you say, and how you interact with others.

They may not even realize that they’re watching you, but subconsciously they take notice, as Ruth did. 

RELATED: Living for the Lord On Purpose

Ordinary Days lead to extraordinary circumstances

So, let’s get back to the story of Ruth. Because Ruth took notice of Naomi’s faith and followed her home to Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, several monumental things happened. Ruth eventually married a man named Boaz, who was a close relative in Naomi’s family. Boaz was not only able to buy the land belonging to Naomi’s deceased husband, but also marry Ruth and continue the family name. Instead of being destitute widows for the remainder of their lives, both Naomi and Ruth had someone to care for and provide for them. 

Then, one ordinary day, Boaz and Ruth had a son named Obed. Eventually, Obed had a son named Jesse, and Jesse had a son named David— better known as King David. Years later, the Savior of the world would be born from this same family line-- right there in Naomi’s hometown of Bethlehem.

Why?

Because, one ordinary day, Naomi decided to return to her God and her people in Bethlehem, and Ruth decided to follow her. Ruth and Boaz’s descendants were tied to the land in Bethlehem for generations to come– all the way down to Mary and Joseph, who had to return to Bethlehem for the census taking place at the time of Jesus’s birth.

Ruth's decision to follow God led to Jesus being born in a manger, in a little town called Bethlehem.

I’ll say it again: With the Lord, nothing is ever ordinary.

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Be Purposeful

So, what will others notice about you on your so-called “ordinary” days?

Will they see the Lord reflected in your actions, speech, and interactions? Or will they think you’re just like them? 

Like in the story of Ruth, do your actions warrant others to say, I want her God to be my God? Or is there no indication that you even follow the Almighty God?

Do you live in a way that leads others to want to know the Lord, simply because they know you?

Be Encouraged

Sister, today I encourage you to stand boldly for the Lord. I’m not just talking about standing boldly during times when you need to give a defense for the hope that is in you (1 Peter 3:15).

I’m talking about standing for Him during the “daily” things you’ll likely encounter today.

Yes, you do stand for him when the bank teller has a bad attitude, when someone bumps into you and doesn’t apologize, or when your kids throw a tantrum in the grocery store. In all of these things, you can respond in ways that either encourage others to know your God or discourage them from wanting to know Him. 

Be intentional in your actions. Through the grace of God, be the catalyst that helps those around you come to realize that they want to be one of His people.

Allow your actions to encourage others to follow you to the “land of your God.”

8 Things You Should Tell the Single Christian Women in Your Life

I am not single. Let’s just get that out there right at the beginning. I’ve been married to my husband since 2008, and even prior to that, we dated for over 7 years before getting married. Needless to say, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve thought of myself as “single”. So, why am I writing an article from the perspective of singleness? In fact, my single friends may be wondering, “What does she even know, or remember?”

The Lord prompted my heart to share some thoughts, answering these questions: if I could go back and talk to my single self in the past, how would I encourage myself? What do I wish I’d known back then that would have a powerful impact during my single life?

I don’t want to pretend that I know what it’s like to be single or dating in our current times, but I do know this--

God’s Word is timeless and unchanging, and what He’d encourage us to do through His Word is the same now as it was back then.

Hey there, single Christian woman.

Raise your hand if you see posts, photos, and selfies everyday of your friends and family members’ birth announcements, weddings, boyfriends, ________ (fill in the blank). These images are never-ending and easily become ingrained in your head, so much so that you can begin to covet the lives of those you love because you long to have certain elements of their life.

You love them and you’re excited for them, but when will it happen for you? When will that special someone you’ve been waiting for show up at your doorstep? When will you be swept off of your feet as he gets down on one knee and delivers the perfect proposal?

Well, single Christian friend— here are a few things you should know.

#1: You can find contentment in singleness.

The more you see the so-called perfect lives of others, the less you become content with your own. But, this is not what God has called you to. Paul states that he learned to be content in whatever state he was in (Philippians 4:11). This is hard to do on your own.

But if you keep reading, just two verses down in Philippians 4:13, Paul explains how he can be content no matter the situation.

““I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ”

— Philippians 4:13

It’s Christ’s strength that makes your contentment possible because He is your Contentment.

You should look to Him and no other person or life situation. When you’ve seen one too many “happy couple” IG posts, remember that it’s to Him you should be looking instead. Once your focus is in the right place, you can find joy in your single life.

#2: Focus on God’s grace.

As a single Christian woman, use this time in your life as a single to run hard after the Lord. Submit to Him and thank Him for whatever life stage you’re in. 1 Peter 1:13-15 says,

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior.”

This verse tells you to make ready your mind; reject the hindrances of the world and focus instead on God’s grace. Be sober (minded)—this means not intoxicated or under the influence of the various pleasures or eye candy of the world (i.e., that social media stuff we just talked about!).

Then, you will have a mental clarity and moral decisiveness based on the Word, not your circumstances.

#3: Use this time to pursue the Lord in prayer.

We see so many times in scripture where Jesus spent time alone in prayer. (Jesus was single too, by the way.)

Colossians 4:2 says, “Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it, with thanksgiving.”  Continue earnestly-- in Greek this means to be courageously persistent, to hold fast, and not let go. Are your prayers earnest and persistent, believing God for what you know He can do?  Vigilant means to stay alert for specific needs and not be unfocused. 

You are to bring EVERYTHING before Him in prayer. Filter every decision through the Holy Spirit. You shouldn’t be living a life of #NoFilter. Fully walk in His ways and according to His promptings. If you struggle to hear Him, then start by praying for a better listening ear to hear the Spirit in your day-to-day walk.

Come to Him in prayer with a humble heart, confessing your sins. Don’t hide. Ask that He would give you a heart that does not self-seek, but exists to glorify Him alone.

Prayer will draw you closer to Him. Sometimes women don’t like to be single because it’s lonely or they simply feel like they are alone.

Use this time in your life to get to know the God who created the Universe. You have no one greater to be all wrapped up in. As you spend time with Him and become more aware of His presence, you’ll truly know that you are never alone.

#4: Spend time worshipping Him.

The more you worship the Lord, the more you see He is great, faithful, loving, and all-powerful. Dwell in the book of Psalms and bask in the goodness of the Lord.

Who gave you your beauty? The Lord. Why do we as women yearn so much for others in this world to notice our beauty? We take pictures, post selfies, and wait for the likes to roll in. Women have the tendency to look for acceptance in all the wrong places.

But Psalm 45:11 says, “So the King will greatly desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, worship Him.” This doesn’t just mean your physical beauty, but He sees and knows your most inward parts/your heart, and still calls you beautiful.

Dwelling on His faithfulness helps put your heart in the right place to want to be faithful to His Word. 

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#5: Don’t be afraid to ask.

Jesus invites you to ask of Him the things we want. You can bring any need or want to Him-- not just the big life decisions, which is what we have a tendency to do. Check out Matthew 7:7-11:

““Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!””

— Matthew 7:7-11

Have you ever asked Jesus what you should have for lunch? I’m not trying to be funny. Really, have you? Or do you, like many of us, go about your day making the bulk of your own decisions because you think there’s no way He could possibly be interested in hearing about the “little things” you have to decide all day?

Maybe you think, He doesn’t have time for that.

I think we Christian women should practice remembering that our God is bigger than that. He may not answer your requests in the way that you think or want, but He wants you to come to Him with everything. This is total reliance on Him.

#6: Seek the Lord.

But, ultimately and firstly, He wants you to seek HIM. And, when you do seek Him (genuinely and wholeheartedly), He promises you that you will find Him (Deuteronomy 4:29). 

The Lord wants to be found. He isn’t hiding. He wants you to seek Him passionately, with your heart, and with all you have— with your soul. When you do this, you will find Him.

Maybe you have a love interest here on this earth, and you know his favorite color, what kind of car he drives, his favorite coffee shop, things that excite him in life—but do you know those things about God? Not literally those things, of course, but do you truly and deeply know who God is, at His core?

Or, have you been so focused on others, even just focused on what God can/could/should do for you, that you’re missing the most important facet of your relationship with Him?

Seek to know who He is deeper than just a surface level. You’re fully known to Him, and He wants you to know Him too.

#7: Be prepared to wait on the Lord. 

That “ W” word. Yup, life is like that. Sometimes we have to wait.

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4).

If you’ve prayed and you have a desire to be married someday, there’s a good chance it was the Lord who put that desire in your heart. Now, you just have to wait for His timing.

And, while waiting, delight yourself in Him, as the verse says. Waiting can be hard. However, instead of focusing on whatever you’re waiting for, it’s crucial that during this time you’re focused on Him, His goodness, faithfulness, and the fact that He holds true to His promises. His word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11). 

#8: God is working behind the scenes in your life, sister.

Remember sister, you were created on purpose. You are not defined as being a “single Christian woman.” He has a purpose and a plan for your life. He’s working behind the scenes in ways you cannot see, and He’s working right in front of your eyes.

Don’t miss it. Don’t miss the forest for the trees. Don’t be so focused on what you don’t have or what you’re waiting for that you miss all the goodness of who the Lover of your soul truly is.

He is the One who loved you first. Before time began. Before your parents. Before the man He’ll bless you with someday. Bask in His radiance and His glory. Be so caught up in thinking about Him that no other “hims” fill your mind. 

Oh, and by the way, let me know how it feels to be a bride.

No, not in the future. Now. In Him, you’re already His bride. You are His. Don’t forget that.